I've mentioned before that I was born and raised in Arkansas. This is home to me. Even though I've lived in Illinois for almost 8 years now, Arkansas will always be home. My entire family is still there and I just know that someday, my future will be there too.
I get to go home tomorrow. I always look forward to these times. When the trip back to the South nears and I have to rush around getting ready for the 6 hour trek. I don't even mind the drive because I know my destination will make me smile.
This time I don't only want to be there but I need to be there. My family has fallen on some hard times lately and I need to help them through it. I hate not being there the minute something happens...not being able to rush to their side when bad news smacks them across the face. It's a guilt I've carried with me for 8 years that I can do nothing about. At least not right now.
Just to name a few problems my Mom just found out she has diabetes and now has to change her way of life. Eat differently, prick her finger regularly, and exercise (something no one in my family is a fan of). This is just after she's come off of a not-so-nice surgery that kept her in pain for quite a while. Another thing I wasn't able to be there for. My sister is a whole other story. Her hard times have come in droves. I won't even bother to name the smaller issues they've confronted this summer because soon after the big shit hit the fan. A few weeks after my sister's husband lost his job she found out she was pregnant. Another couple of weeks later, on her birthday, she lost the baby.
My sister has always been my best friend. Even though she's older I've always felt the need to protect her. Maybe it's just a sister thing. Knowing she's going through pain absolutely kills me. Burns me to the core. There's nothing I can do but at least being there would help. This is why I need to go home.
The year 2009 has been a rough one for my whole family, including me. It seems to be shaping up to be another 1997.....BAD year for us! That year my lung collapsed and I had to have major surgery, my parents got divorced after we found out my Dad was having an affair, my Grandmothers house burned down, and on the very last day of the year my Great-Grandmother passed away. It was almost like God was saying, "Don't celebrate yet, there's still a few more hours left for things to go badly. There ya go....deal with that!" Bad year!
So I'm headed home tomorrow. To see my sweet Nephew, Max, and celebrate his first birthday, to be a shoulder my sister can cry on, and to help my Mom stick to her new diet and work-out regimen. No matter what goes wrong there's just nothing as wonderful as being with family!